I write an article every year about how stupid the NFL’s schedule release is.

Amazingly, the league has managed to make it an event where people wait around with bated breath, wondering when each team’s schedule will drop. How stupid is that? I mean, this isn’t Cobra Kai, a masterpiece of a show (one that, admittedly, may have jumped the shark) that has been teasing a Season 6 for going on two years.

Anyway, I think it will be released on May 15. No, not Season 6 of Cobra Kai (although, that would be awesome), I’m talking about the release of the NFL’s 2024 regular-season schedule.

People ask me why I always mock the NFL’s annual schedule reveal. They ask why I can’t let fans have their fun. They want to know why I have to be so miserable.

For starters, I’m not miserable. I’m a very happy person, but I have a comedian’s mindset, and much like airplane food, I want to know what the deal is with this obsession with when your favorite football team will play its games every fall and winter. You already know the “who” and the “where” so why is the “when” so important to you? It’s like what the late, great Norm MacDonald said about I.D., the abbreviation for identification: The “who” and “where” have already done most of the leg work for the 2024 schedule reveal, and this happened shortly after the conclusion of the 2023 regular season. Now, “when” gets to come in and capture all of the glory? Boy, that “when” sure does have a big ego, doesn’t it? Who does “when” think it is, anyway? “Where?”

Thanks to the “who” and “where,” we already know which teams will have the toughest and easiest schedules in 2024.

The Browns, whose 2024 opponents combined for a .547 winning percentage in 2023, will have the toughest schedule. On the other hand, the Falcons and Saints, whose 2024 opponents had a winning percentage of .453 a year ago, are tied for the easiest. 

I know what you’re going to say, “Look, jerk, the “when” is important for those who need to make travel plans!” Fine, but you have like four months to make those plans once the schedule is dropped. Therefore, why all the anticipation?

But let’s be real here, it’s not about travel plans, at least not with most fans. It’s an addiction. The NFL knows it has you in the palm of its greedy, little hand. Heck, the league could turn the announcement of the date that the schedule will be revealed into an annual event, and many fans will look forward to that with great anticipation. In fact, if the NFL Network went live and aired the date of the schedule release during Game 3 of the second round of the NHL/NBA playoffs, the former would garner higher ratings.

The only good thing about the NFL schedule release is the fun most teams now have when revealing theirs. The Rams 2023 schedule reveal was pretty entertaining, same with the Steelers. 

The Titans “man on the street” version, with the help of non-football fans on Broadway Street in Nashville, was priceless. For example, Tennessee’s 2023 regular-season schedule included Lightning McQueen, the Boston Bobcats and the Red Stallions.

The ironic part is that the NFL seems self-aware of the absurdity involving the hoopla over its annual schedule reveal. Yet, you have very serious people out there tracking it and looking for potential leaks ahead of time. 

The NFL needs to put its fans out of their misery and just post its annual schedule on a nice, simple list.

Just add a couple of hash browns so it will pop, and then send it to the Internet!