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Bold and Bizarre Predictions for the Steelers vs. Raiders, Week 3

Despite the Steelers barely escaping Week 2 with a win vs. Cleveland, there is still an an alarming abundance of acrimony associated with the 2023 Steelers. With a tough task again in the form of a visit to Vegas, there comes a whole lotta predictions. With that being said, SCN’s resident Nostradumbass is back to do the deed again this week. The following are predictions, some basic, some bold and some absolutely bizarre.

  • Hellbent once more to rejoin the Steelers, Antonio Brown collaborates with Vegas Illusionist Extraordinaire, MINDFREAK Criss Angel to bamboozle the fans and the entire football world into inserting himself back into Steelers starting lineup like nothing ever happened. When the attempt overwhelmingly fails, the MINDFREAK unleashes a huge smoky fog and disappears into the Vegas night. Still there, the former Steeler and Raider sheepishly attempts to join the home team.
  • To avoid boos from the large number of Steeler faithful at Allegient Stadium, Matt Canada has his name legally changed to another North American country. Like his career going south, so does the OC with the new moniker of “Mateo Mexico”.
  • In an improvement from last week, Kenny Pickett is sacked only on three occasions on the night, two by Maxx Crosby. Dazed and confused, Pickett wonders aloud when the Penguins legend Sidney Crosby joined the silver and black.
  • Big Ken tosses his first two TD game in Sin City and only has one interception. However, he only throws for 196 yards and still looks rattled at times.
  • To appease Mike Florio, who is delusional enough to think the Steelers are trying to devalue George Pickens, No. 14 gets targeted 38 times on the night.
  • Seriously, Pickens has a second-straight great night in the bright lights of prime time with 112 yards and a score. To celebrate his trip to the end zone and the 41st anniversary of Prince’s breakthrough album “1999” being released, George commandeers a little red corvette in power wheels form and races around the stadium.
  • Patrick Peterson gets his first interception as a Steeler and Joseph Eugene Porter Jr. thieves the first of his young career.
  • Pressley Harvin III pins the Raiders down deep on punts on two occasions inside-the-10. But I still mess up and call him Percy.
  • Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren barely combine for 100 yards, and both No. 30 (reception) and No. 22 (rush) get into the end zone.
  • The Raiders O-line, who previous held firm by not allowing a sack of Jimmy G. in his first two games in LV, can’t hold back T.J. Watt gets two more and remains on pace for 34 in 2023.
  • Nick Herbig gets his first sack as a Steeler for another black-and-gold rookie milestone.
  • Chris Boswell is a perfect one-for-one with a 51-yard field goal. The Wizard of Boz accomplishes the amazing feat of converting more kicks from 50-out then all of the previous kickers in team history, including Gary and Skippy Reed.
  • The Steelers defense mostly contains Jimmy G. but can’t do the same with Josh Jacobs. The new No. 8 runs for 140 and two scores but the Steelers escape with a 24-22 victory courtesy of Boz’ walk off.
  • Mike Tomlin wears a South Park inspired “Blame Canada” to the post-game presser that his wife Kiya is now selling for $35. Proceeds go to charity. Hopefully a severance package.
  • The author of this article is escorted out of the stadium early due to lewd and lascivious behavior. Apparently his prized and ridiculously tight B.J. Finney game-worn pants aren’t appreciated in Nevada either.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.


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