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Bold and Bizarre Predictions for Steelers vs. Ravens, Week 5

After getting thoroughly embarrassed by the Houston Texans, the struggling Pittsburgh Steelers face an even tougher task in Week 5 in the form of the Baltimore Ravens. With that there comes a whole lotta predictions as the Steelers strive to get on track. With that being said, SCN’s resident Nostradumbass is back to do the deed again this week. The following are predictions, some basic, some bold and some absolutely bizarre.

  • Now seeking to rejoin the Steelers as the team’s offensive coordinator, former Man of Steel Antonio Brown is welcomed by fans and urged to pose as Matt Canada. However, AB has a hard time getting by Acrisure Stadium security when the password that he gives is not obvious and predictable enough than Canada’s choice of “Password1234”.
  • Speaking of “Mateo Mexico”, the embattled Canada shows up in the booth with noise cancelling headphones. Unfortunately, the rest of the staff and Kenny Pickett didn’t think to do the same and get Canada Cancelling Headphones.
  • Speaking of Big Ken, Kenny Pickett returns with his bruised knee, but his struggles continue with a 1 TD/2 INT game. In the effort, Pickett throws for 198 yards, but is still sacked four times on the day while not being protected by a depleted O-line.
  • Darnell Washington scores his first ever NFL touchdown on a pass from KP8. Mount Washington celebrates the monumental event and the 38th birthday of pop sensation Bruno Mars by leading the stadium in a flash mob of “Uptown Funk”.
  • Fans vow to never boo Pressley Harvin III again as Brad Wing is below average on the day. This is very disturbing to Art Rooney II who ordered 5,000 Brad Wild Wing T-shirts and replica jerseys for the Steelers Pro Shop.
  • Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren combine for over 100 yards, but neither score.
  • Despite harassing Lamar Jackson all game, T.J. Watt gets shut out in the sack department for the second consecutive week.
  • The Steelers defense surrenders a 200+ passing game and a 200+ rushing game and lose 30-10 to Baltimore.
  • The author of this article finds the only consolation in this game is the bye to follow in Week 6.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.


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