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Bold And Bizarre Predictions for Steelers at Texans, Week 4

The Steelers travel to Houston to face a hungry and emerging Texans team. With a tough task again in Week 4, there comes a whole lotta predictions as the Steelers strive to go 3-1. With that being said, SCN’s resident Nostradumbass is back to do the deed again this week. The following are predictions, some basic, some bold and some absolutely bizarre.

  • Still vehemently seeking to rejoin the Steelers, Antonio Brown strikes a deal with Connie and John Watt for the iconic football parents to adopt the troubled ex-superstar. ABJ Watt arrives at NRG Park wearing his Steelers No. 84 complete w/ the unobjectionable surname Watt on the nameplate. This fails miserably, but the Watts are happy to finally have a third child have a “J” in his name after Derek’s staunch refusal to do so.
  • Since nobody but the dorky author of this article recalls actor Lee Horsely’s portrayal of a Texas oil man moving to California and dabbling in the world of private investigation as a hobby, Matt Canada sheds the shameful moniker of “Mateo Mexico”. His semi-improved play calling last week earned the embattled OC the opportunity to represent himself as the title character of the Aaron Spelling CBS drama “Matt Houston” that aired on CBS from 1982-1985.
  • Now that he’s allowed to audible again, Kenny Pickett tosses his second consecutive two-touchdown/no interception game.
  • Big Ken is only sacked once on the afternoon. Pickett throws for 230 yards, looks less rattled and much more confident after surviving the trio of Nick Bosa, Myles Garrett and Maxx Crosby in the first three weeks.
  • After a week off from the end zone, George Pickens gets back into the touchdown zone with a score. To celebrate his second TD of the season and the 115th anniversary of the Model-T Ford being the first ever automobile released to the public, Pickens drags his Head Coach onto the field to strike a seductive pose. Get it? Model T.
  • Fans realize the greatness Pressley Harvin III in his absence, but Brad Wing performs admirably.
  • Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren combine for over 100 yards, and both No. 30 and No. 22 score.
  • T.J. Watt gets four more sacks for 10 on the young season. Alex Highsmith gets one, as well as Nick Herbig as the Steelers D gets 6 and Kendrick Green looks around to see what truck just hit the former Steeler..
  • The Steelers defense surrenders a 300+ passing game, but force rookie C.J. Stroud into his first two NFL interceptions as Damontae Kazee and Joey Porter Jr. get nabs.
  • The author of this article finds his signature spot on the family couch has been double sold by StubHub and, like last week in Vegas, is forced to watch the game on his phone out in the driveway.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.

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